20 Questions or I'm Just Curious
To the Court Reporter (Days 1-4):
1.) Do you type in shorthand? If so, is it a special variety or just the standard old type? If not, how do you type so maniacally fast?
2.) Did you go to stenographer school? Does that even exist? What motivates one to choose such a profession?
3.) What is the deal with the tape that runs off the top of the machine? It's only maybe an inch wide, so it can't possible house the actual court transcripts. Can it?
4.) How do you pick up case-specific terminology? Do you study certain types of words in advance so you recognize them? Do you ever feel confused?
5.) Have you ever considered consulting a stylist? Were the '80s the best of times for you?
To Lawyers (or Wannabe Lawyers):
6.) Did you star in a lot of plays in high school?
7.) Did you a lot of action (and by "a lot," I mean "any") during that period in your life?
To the County of Tioga:
8.) Can you please hurry up and send me my measly jury duty compensation check?
To My Sister's Friends in State College:
9.) Do I legitimately look like an 18 year old freshman?
10.) Should I regard your assumptions of such as complimentary?
11.) If you are a dude, do you want to marry the Bush twins? If so, which one is more your style? If the Olsen twins were concurrently throwing themselves at you, would you still opt for Jenna and/or Barbara?
To Anyone Who Has a Myspace:
12.) Have you heard of mydeathspace? Does it creep you out? Does it evoke feelings of melancholy? How about disgust? Does it make you irrationally fearful of driving a car or approaching trains or swimming, if only temporarily? Does it reek of exploitation, in your opinion? Does it peak your curiousity, despite your best efforts?
13.) After viewing the abovementioned site, do you immediately feel driven to check out your myspace profile, just in case, to make sure it presents the most accurate and current representation of who you are at the moment?
To Jessica Simpson and John Mayer:
14.) Really, you're together? It just seems so odd. Though I guess you deserve each other. (And, I wouldn't despise you so much, John Mayer, if you hadn't forced that idiotic "Daughters" song upon me. It reinforces tired and ridiculous gender-based stereotypes and it refuses to get out of my head for forever every time I hear it.)
To All of My Recently Married Friends:
15.) Will one of you hurry up and have a baby for me to play with? Please?
To the Marketing People at Dove:
16.) Do you know that you are brilliant?
To Anyone and Everyone:
17.) Would you rather have a third nipple or no belly button (assuming that you cannot have either cosmetically altered?)
18.) If you are suddenly doomed from this point forward to spend the rest of your existence trapped in a neverending television episode, would you choose to stick it out on A.) Seventh Heaven, B.) The Simple Life, C.) The Price is Right, D.) The Osbournes, or E.) Full House?
19.) What kind of career do you think I should ultimately shoot for? (Give me some direction!)
20.) Would you rather be oblivious/slightly dim, but consistently and genuinely happy or aware/highly intelligent, but prone to brooding?
1.) Do you type in shorthand? If so, is it a special variety or just the standard old type? If not, how do you type so maniacally fast?
2.) Did you go to stenographer school? Does that even exist? What motivates one to choose such a profession?
3.) What is the deal with the tape that runs off the top of the machine? It's only maybe an inch wide, so it can't possible house the actual court transcripts. Can it?
4.) How do you pick up case-specific terminology? Do you study certain types of words in advance so you recognize them? Do you ever feel confused?
5.) Have you ever considered consulting a stylist? Were the '80s the best of times for you?
To Lawyers (or Wannabe Lawyers):
6.) Did you star in a lot of plays in high school?
7.) Did you a lot of action (and by "a lot," I mean "any") during that period in your life?
To the County of Tioga:
8.) Can you please hurry up and send me my measly jury duty compensation check?
To My Sister's Friends in State College:
9.) Do I legitimately look like an 18 year old freshman?
10.) Should I regard your assumptions of such as complimentary?
11.) If you are a dude, do you want to marry the Bush twins? If so, which one is more your style? If the Olsen twins were concurrently throwing themselves at you, would you still opt for Jenna and/or Barbara?
To Anyone Who Has a Myspace:
12.) Have you heard of mydeathspace? Does it creep you out? Does it evoke feelings of melancholy? How about disgust? Does it make you irrationally fearful of driving a car or approaching trains or swimming, if only temporarily? Does it reek of exploitation, in your opinion? Does it peak your curiousity, despite your best efforts?
13.) After viewing the abovementioned site, do you immediately feel driven to check out your myspace profile, just in case, to make sure it presents the most accurate and current representation of who you are at the moment?
To Jessica Simpson and John Mayer:
14.) Really, you're together? It just seems so odd. Though I guess you deserve each other. (And, I wouldn't despise you so much, John Mayer, if you hadn't forced that idiotic "Daughters" song upon me. It reinforces tired and ridiculous gender-based stereotypes and it refuses to get out of my head for forever every time I hear it.)
To All of My Recently Married Friends:
15.) Will one of you hurry up and have a baby for me to play with? Please?
To the Marketing People at Dove:
16.) Do you know that you are brilliant?
To Anyone and Everyone:
17.) Would you rather have a third nipple or no belly button (assuming that you cannot have either cosmetically altered?)
18.) If you are suddenly doomed from this point forward to spend the rest of your existence trapped in a neverending television episode, would you choose to stick it out on A.) Seventh Heaven, B.) The Simple Life, C.) The Price is Right, D.) The Osbournes, or E.) Full House?
19.) What kind of career do you think I should ultimately shoot for? (Give me some direction!)
20.) Would you rather be oblivious/slightly dim, but consistently and genuinely happy or aware/highly intelligent, but prone to brooding?
4 comments:
12. I will say i had to check out mydeathspace.com and I didn't find it very creepy. It seemed like it just had a shock eliment and therefore i would call it expolitation. I would be pissed if i found someone i knew that died on there. I do however, wish there was a link of all the people who died and their old myspace pages becasue i'm super creepy.
13. I have no intrest in checking over my current site. I would prefer people to remember me in an ideal sence of who i am as opposed to remembering me accuratly and no idealy.
17. I would go for the no bellybutton
18. The Obsbourns because ozzie knows hanson and it would be a fun freeking life.
19. I still think you would be a realy good teacher. Your patient, fun, and smart.
20. I would go for happy, but dumb.
Janet? (I am making an educated guess.) Thanks for the teacher suggestion. I'm still leaning heavily in that direction, but I have lots of time to make an informed decision.
Mydeathspace does have a page that just lists all of the people who died and links to their myspaces - did you check it out? I did because, apparently, I am either very morbid or very bored. I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing, which is why I was curious about others' opinions. I always come away from viewing the sites reminded that I'm not invincible, that accidents happen, and that I need to live life to the fullest.
Ozzie knows Hanson? Those boys are friends with everyone. If I ever win the lottery, I will buy a brother for you.
Maggie . . . Full House is a good choice. Lots of cheesiness, lots of love, lots of rockin' 90s style. I think I secretly wanted to be DJ Tanner growing up.
Living the life of a professional blogger would be sweet! Maybe If I could sharpen up my wit a bit and actually come up with some interesting things to talk about, I could work it out. Of course, I have to save some material for my novel. Haha.
While I will agree that you are a genuinely happy person, I wouldn't classify you anywhere near "slightly dim."
I reread evaluated mydeathspace.com and saw where you could look at people's normal profiles. I only read the first 3 pages, but its crazy that no one had a normal death, they were all freak accidents. It brings light to the fact that car accidents and suicides are 1st and 2nd causes of the deaths of young people. Now i agree with maggie and think its sad.
ps. you guest right, Janet
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